I intended to post this yesterday but better late than never!
Recently was invited to join Truth Thursdays – a weekly prompt that helps bloggers and other creatives to produce a piece. For folks like me who just want to practice writing (and usually can’t do it unless I have an overflow of emotion) this is awesome. If you’d like to be part of the online community, visit truththursdays.com.
Thirty-three years of being alive and I never thought I’d be back here. Sitting in bed in my room in my parents’ house, most of my things still in boxes. It’s my silent protest, I think, the last stronghold in my brain that doesn’t want to admit it. So I’ve hung and folded my clothes but haven’t placed my books in shelves. As if that was some assurance that this isn’t permanent.
The plan was to get married by 24, pop out babies and be a happy housewife. My twenties instead was littered with one bad decision after another and if it were not for the moment I surrendered to the Lord at 26, it would’ve been a faster decline. But, no, I didn’t think I’d be back here – right where I left at 21.
But things are different now. Age mellows and softens you, it makes you take a pause before choosing your battles, it makes you less angry, less willing to hold on to grudges and hurts and disappointments. If mistakes are made (and they still are), recovery seems quicker, the bruised ego easier to dismiss. It could also just be that I’ve found it so taxing to always be feeling feelings so deeply. I think I’m just tired.
But there is hope here. Not the fiery, passionate, I-can-conquer-the-world kind I was consumed by when I was 21. It’s calmer, quieter, more willing to go with the ebb and flow of things beyond my control (and they are many). This season is full of promise and possibility – more realistic and beautiful than I ever dreamed. This makes me excited for what’s to come and grateful for what simply is. My wish list for my ideal life was thrown out the window a long time ago and I haven’t bothered making a new one since. Maybe this is what the Lord has been saying – that peace that knows no understanding thing – because even if it looks illogical to the world, it makes perfect sense to me.
Today, I am here, truly thankful for where I’ve been, where I am and where I’m going.
I’m ready for my adventure.
For other Truth Thursday: I Am Here posts, click here.